When AGE stops being JUST A NUMBER for singles

We sometimes have the tendency to overrate the issue of age in relationships, and it often comes back to bite us when we least expect it to. But really, we should ask about those moments when age stops being just a number.

On a day, when the question “can you marry a man almost 20 years older than you are?” is posed, majority of the responses are in the category of:

* why not?

* Yes! If he still looks good.

* Yes! If he has money because, that’s inheritance waiting to happen.

* Oh yes! If he is romantic, takes good care of me, and especially, if his “thing” still functions.

First off, these responses appear too ephemeral, because whatever the relationship (and especially if you are considering a lasting one), you must not base your reasoning on the physical.

I thought we had agreed that for a relationship to be lasting, there has to be an exhibition of a high level of maturity from both parties and we all know that maturity does not come as the number (age) increases; some get wizened at a very young age, while some others attain it with every addition to the number.

However, if we were to go by the responses given above, the question posed would have been a thing of the past, but since it is still being asked, it means then that a reliable answer has not been got. So, I ask again, is age truly just a number and when does it stop being just a number?

If yes, would a 70 year old man be likened to a 45 year old man or even if the tables are turned, can a 30 year old lady be likened to a 15 year old girl?

I, for one, can reel out a whole lot of reasons why these categories are not the same, but then, what fans the flame for one, kills it for the other.

Still, from the responses highlighted above, all I can hear is that the disgust previously felt when girls are match-made with their fathers’ friends or even given out as a token to write off a debt will be overlooked if the man in question is still handsome, has money to spend, adorns one with attention and can rip the sheets of the mattress with his bedroom skills.

On the other hand, another group believes that age is everything when there is a slight indication that the woman may be older; and in the case of the man, 20 years is about enough but never one in the same age bracket as the girl’s father.

One reality I am being confronted with on a daily basis is the new generalisations making the rounds now that, the older the man, the better; reason being that, he would have eyes only for the lady in question unlike in the case of younger men in whose case the ladies would practically have their hearts in their mouths once the men are stepping out. Truthfully, as a lady, I like the sound of that but that’s way too selfish and not to talk of it being largely untrue.

In any case, can we not all see the danger this one-sided vibrancy portends? If you can’t, let the daily news of spousal abuse in the media today remind you, which to a large extent can be traced down to a mindset of “if I can’t have you, then nobody else should”

Yes people’s thresholds are different but we must not fail to realise that building a lasting relationship goes beyond looks, bank statements, bedroom prowess and even the age itself, other things like generosity, kindness, wisdom, respectfulness, usefulness and many others cannot be overemphasized and should not be overlooked.

In essence, age stops being just a number when all you are concerned about is;

* What will accrue to you when he is no longer alive?

* What his outward appearance is; after all the idea is to grow old together, so if you can’t stand the looks he is bringing with his age, then you should not be talking;

* if you lack patience, then  you are entering the wrong game; surely, there is bound to be one slip that will earn you a reminder of how you’re not mates (in fact once this is noticed in the early stages, the relationship should be abandoned before it goes any deeper).

* the question of the functionality of his “thing”; for one, we do not advocate the testing of several things to ascertain viability, so if it is looking questionable from where you stand, no amount of inheritance should make you want to have anything to do with the bearer. The man’s thing never stops functioning (save for ill-health) no matter the age.

Hence, if all of these are in the right mix, age stops being just a number when you say so.

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